I’m curious. Do your attempts to eat semi-moderately healthy look like mine?
I make modest efforts to eat healthy for a combination of reasons. These reasons include: #1. I feel like crap when I eat crap and #2. I plain and simple just don’t need to be eating crap. That, and my nutritionist mother taught me better. I can’t fail her and bring her shame (because she cares not at all). However, the main reason that I attempt to eat semi-healthy is because I currently have to choose between unbuttoning my pants if I want to sit down or otherwise standing up all day to complete my work. This obviously creates an awkward work environment and makes me feel very strongly that it is in my best interest to improve my eating habits. For the love of buttoned pants, I have got to start eating better!
However, week in and week out I find that my attempts are in vain. The week starts off strong, but usually by Wednesday I have tossed all imaginary notions of a healthy week out the window and am consuming processed carbs as quickly as I can shove a french fry into my mouth. Every week I tell myself that I will do better next week. And every week, by Wednesday I have given up on life and buttoned pants for another week. At this point, I can’t help but laugh and write a blog post about it.
So, for your reading pleasure – and for my shame – here is what a typical week looks like with me attempting to follow some form of a healthy eating plan.
Monday:
I spent the weekend grocery shopping, meal planning, and prepping food. I’ve got an array of fruits and veggies, lean proteins, and complex carbs ready for my meals and snacks today. I’m caught up on my sleep, because my weekends are oh so exciting. I’m ready to eat healthy like a champ.
At work, I valiantly turn my nose up at the dozen fresh donuts brought in to the office each week. The chocolate covered ones are especially tempting, but I stick to my guns and look away quickly lest sin overtake me.
For dinner, I have a home-cooked meal with at least 4 of the 5 food groups represented on the table. Nothing fried, nothing dripping with butter, nothing super starchy or full of carbs.
My pants feel looser already.
Tuesday:
I am running late for work so I don’t get to prepare a breakfast, which results in me breaking down and eating the breakfast prepared with butter, butter, and more butter at work.
In an attempt to make up for my breakfast mishap, lunch and snacks stay moderately healthy.
Dinner is some kind of meat cooked whichever way is quickest, complete with two starches on the side. It’s home-cooked though and that makes it all better, doesn’t it?
Wednesday:
Are there any chocolate covered donuts still left in the kitchen from Monday? I’m beginning to feel the need to eat my feelings and my lack of sleep.
I’m doing good if I get any form of supper on the table by hump day. Usually leftovers. Or a random rotisserie chicken from the grocery store. Maybe sandwiches and chips and salsa.
Quick, easy, and gratifying is the name of the game at this point. Who has time for a home-cooked meal anyway?
Thursday:
Caffeine in any and every form is calling my name. And I’m really feeling the need for it in the form of carbonation. Namely, the form called Coca-Cola. Also, if I could get a little grease in my life to ease my stress and hunger level, that would be great.
Hey Michael, do you just want to order a pizza for dinner?
Friday:
I wake up dreaming of velvety chocolate, deep fried chicken, and french fries. I give up from the moment I emerge from the underneath the sheets.
All things chocolate, bacon-related, or fried come to mama!
Saturday and Sunday:
It’s the weekend baby and we ALL know that calories DO NOT count on the weekend. Those calories just disappear and do not show up later on my hips or in the inability of my pants to remain buttoned while I’m seated.
The struggle is real. Anyone else feel my pain?
[image: Felicia Akerman]